I recently called to a good friend of mine Ashley and we sat around her kitchen table having a catch up and she said one thing to me which stuck in my head she turned to me and said you know what?! i said what, she said i admire your courage i was like why?!? she said as much as anxiety knocks me down and makes me feel awful i get up and face it and get on with it for example an event like, running a half marathon to darkness into light and so on, i left her house and said anxiety trys to stop me a lot of my days even some days going to work its like horrid to be faced with an angry customer which could ruin my whole day, it’s hard and some days are real struggles but if you let it stop you it will l stop you if you face it and battle it you will win eventually ….
ill tell you a little story which happened after Ashley said this to me about facing your anxiety as you might know i have recently qualified as a pool lifeguard, this was one of my goals this year after listening to Gerry Duffy 2 months ago to do lifeguard course and gym instructor which im currently working on, on the day of paying for the course i came across a man who questioned my ability, and was aggressive abiut it and made it his business to piss me right off and seemed like did not want my business made me question is this the right path im taken maybe im not able, maybe not for me?!?! all cause maybe he was having a bad day!!! Why not encourage someone help them besides turning them off, one word for that karma… So later.
later that day was coming to the deadline of doing this lifeguard course I ended up in barrow beach and sat on a rock and looked over the ocean where I feel calm, I was angry, pissed out questioned my own ability on the words of someone else who didn’t know me and most of all my anxiety was bad, sat there on my own and sent a few texts to good friends saying am I able?!?! Would I fail?!? Could I handle failing not used to failing in recent years, to be even be sending these texts and questioning myself in the first place was wrong of me, i should always believe in myself but with anyone living with anxiety this is not possible little loss of belief steam rolls and goes on only way of stopping it is change the mindset.
after all the texts phone calls and pondering i said im not going to let someone ruin my dreams the only person I should let dictate my life is me, saying that i new starting this course i was going to be on my toes and my anxiety would be plus 100% but have it left it stop me before as much try not to let it no.. with anxiety you always question your ability every half marathon i do always question if you’re a good enough friend and so on it’s what it does and its horrid at times my worse thing is i push people away feel im not good enough. im learning day by day to stop this before i lose people i don’t want to lose anyway im rambling…
day 1 and i woke up and there he was my good old friend anxiety i should call him a name by right?!?! any ideas? going back to learning which i never really good at as i left school early meeting new people and in my head the whole am i able what if i fail, what if im not good enough?!?
day 1 standing on the deck and we were going into the water for 2 hours or more I wont lie this was the first time in very long time my anxiety was very bad we were standing around the pool and the whole floor felt like it was moving I was holding my legs as i stood up and seen if they were shaking, the room started spinning and felt i was going to wake up on the floor with people all around me, this has being the worse it has being in over a year i shuck and shaken, I sweated I got sick in my own mouth that morning from anxiety and I had to talk to myself in my head and said poshey you know what it is and you know it will pass!! within about half an hour I was in the water doing drills and getting rid of that extra energy in me and i started to feel better, it does pass i promise you i have gone through 1000 rounds with anxiety it has knocked me out once but i got up again thanks to friends 🙂
as the week went on i got more and more confidant, what i taught i could not do in the water i was well able and was doing it with no issues, i was helping others and more worried about others than myself typical me, the people in the course were amazing and helped alot and were encouraging and most of all the course instructor who from the start had faith in me to complete it as well.
the last day, the exams and i was nervous but the confidence i built up over the 5 days i did not feel that nervous the theory part I was worried about my pool skills i was happy with and had no issues, i got though the day with no worry’s and was even easier than the other days cause took me 2 days to settle,
I am now a qualified and certificated lifeguard with the RLSS, I nearly let my anxiety and the words of someone else stop me in my tracks and let me throw away what i really wanted, I faced them fears and faced anxiety which I always do brush it aside and drive on trust me when i say this it ain’t easy not one bit think I have come to learn what it is accept it and try my best to get on with it ill always have it, NEVER EVER let someone question your own ability I nearly did and I was very close to leaving it all behind me, but if I never tried i would have never known.
every day we all face battles some are won some are lost but the battles we lose we learn from moral of this story is it aint easy but it can be overcome if i can do it and face them anyone can KEY is surrounding yourself with positive people who strive for you to hit your goals having people on the end of the phone pushed me to reach my goals again and im forever grateful thank you and you know who you are 🙂
What the mind believes the body achieves, and remember its OK not to feel OK and it’s absolutely OK to ask for help that a problem shared is a problem halved 🙂